Category Archives: bipolar

Questioning Everything

Yesterday I had an awful fight with the husband. I was so upset with him I would say full on enraged. I am no longer on anxiety medicine or bipolar medicine and this makes me question my emotions or at least the intensity of them sometimes.

Anyway big fight, very stressed, overwhelmed and just generally out of sorts. I slept in the recliner last night  because I am stubborn and want him to understand how angry I am. He worked today so that worked well for my plan of not speaking to him.

Except what doesn’t work is I hate fighting with anyone. I hate holding onto anger, upset, stress. It isn’t healthy. So today I felt out of sorts and not myself. I literally drove around most of the afternoon just aimless. I ate crap food and wallowed in this kind of self imposed exile from my life.

The problem with all of this is that now I know if I end up with a negative result on the 9th I will blame this. I will blame this stress, this emotional upheaval. I will blame my husband but ultimately myself.

I always blame myself. I blame my weight. My poor food choices, not exercising enough, not sleeping enough. Basically you name it I am failing at it.

So not sure what the next few days will hold but really worried I have ruined everything again.

image

Advertisements